Self-Harm Awareness Month: How to Check In on Your Loved Ones

March is Self-Harm Awareness Month, a crucial time for bringing our attention to an often overlooked struggle that many people face. Self-harm, also known as nonsuicidal self-injury (NSSI), is misunderstood and can carry a stigma that prevents individuals from seeking the help they need. Instead, people who struggle with self-harm can opt to hide their behaviors from others out of fear of judgment or being “too much.” Even if someone does not explicitly disclose engaging in self-harm, it can be important to check in on them anyway. A simple conversation can go a long way, and has the power to provide crucial comfort, connection, and support. However, it may feel difficult or uncomfortable to broach such a sensitive topic. Here are some helpful tips to guide you in this process!

Why Does Self-Harm Happen?

Self-harm refers to intentional acts of self-injury, such as cutting, burning, hitting oneself, or other behaviors that can cause physical pain. While not always linked to suicidal intent, it can often be a coping mechanism for when an individual is experiencing overwhelming emotional distress. People may engage in self-harming behaviors for a variety of reasons, such as to punish themselves for perceived faults, establish a sense of control, or express emotions they feel unable to share. Some may use self-harm as a means to distract themselves from overwhelming negative feelings, while others may use it to feel something physical – particularly if they often feel numb. It is vital to recognize self-harm as a symptom of emotional pain rather than the often stigmatized perception of it being attention-seeking behavior.

Tip 1: Create a Safe Space without Judgment

Before starting a conversation, make sure that you create a supportive environment. The goal is to offer a safe space where your loved one feels comfortable opening up without fear of judgment or punishment. It can be helpful to avoid strong reactions like shock or anger, as well as to refrain from using shame tactics such as guilt-tripping. Instead, use a calm, empathetic tone to encourage them to continue sharing and opening up about their experience. This type of approach builds trust. You can, however, talk about your concerns in a loving, non-judgmental way. For example, saying “I noticed you’ve been going through a tough time lately. I just want you to know that I care about you and I’m here if you need someone to talk to.”

Tip 2: Recognize the Signs of Self-Harm

Self-harm is not always obvious. Many who struggle with it often try their best to hide their injuries due to fear of stigma or shame. It can be helpful to look for potential signs of self-harm, such as unexplained cuts, bruises, burns, or scars. Common places where self-harm occurs tends to be on wrists, arms, thighs, or the stomach. Sometimes, individuals who struggle with self-harm may wear long sleeves or pants in hot weather to hide these injuries. Discovering sharp objects, such as razors, glass, or scissors, in places they’re not supposed to be can be another indicator of self-harm. Additionally, there are behavioral signs that may indicate an increased risk of self-harm. These include withdrawal from social activities or close relationships, sudden mood swings or increased irritability, disclosed feelings of hopelessness, and overall low self-esteem.

Even if you’re unsure whether a loved one is engaging in self-harm, it is always better to check in rather than to assume they’re fine!

Tip 3: Prioritize Listening Rather than “Fixing”

Among the most meaningful ways to support someone struggling with self-harm is to listen without offering immediate solutions or judgment. Many individuals hesitate to open up about these struggles because they fear being dismissed, misunderstood, or judged. Refrain from saying things like “just stop” or “you have no reason to feel this way.” Especially steer clear from saying “you’re only doing this for attention.” Statements like these make an individual feel criticized, which can heighten negative feelings. Instead, opt for more compassionate language. For example, you might say “I can see you’re going through a really tough time. How can I support you?” Telling the individual that they aren’t alone and that you truly care about them can be so powerful during a time like this. Then, focus on listening to the individual’s concerns with empathy, rather than trying to fix what’s happening.

Tip 4: Encourage Professional Help

While friends and family can offer a wonderful source of support, intervention from a mental health professional is usually the best course of action for long-term, sustainable remediation. Services like mental health therapy and support groups can provide suitable coping mechanisms to address the underlying roots of self-harming behavior. It is common for people to be hesitant to seek professional help. For many, the idea of seeking help may be heavily stigmatized. Gently introduce the idea without pressuring or forcing them to go. It can be helpful to also normalize the idea of seeking help. If you’ve had positive experiences with therapy and are comfortable sharing, it may help your loved one to hear that during this time. If you are willing, you may even offer to help your loved one research therapists and mental health resources. In instances like this, it can be helpful to remind your loved one that they don’t have to go through this alone, and that there is help available for them.

Tip 5: Check In Regularly!

A single conversation is not enough. Mental health difficulties are ongoing and often require consistent support. Even if your loved one insists they’re fine after the initial conversation, continue to follow up with them regularly. Ensuring you check in consistently sends the message that you truly do care about what they’re going through, which can be powerful during a difficult time in someone’s life. Your check-in messages don’t have to be elaborate – keep it simple. You could start with, “hey, I’m thinking about you! No pressure to talk, but know that I’m always here for you.” Another simple, yet impactful way to check in is to offer to spend time with your loved one. You can say, “let’s grab a coffee this week, I miss spending time with you!”

Tip 6: Don’t Neglect Yourself in the Process!

Supporting someone struggling with self-harm can be emotionally challenging for you too. It is essential to take care of your own mental health while in the process of helping others. If you need, set emotional boundaries around your time and capacity. Remember: you are not responsible for “fixing” your loved one. Their healing journey–while it may be important to you–is not yours to carry alone. You might consider taking needed breaks to focus on tending to your own mental health throughout this process. It can also be extremely beneficial to seek out your own mental health support while assisting a loved one, such as finding your own therapist, joining a support group, or engaging in self-help. Please don’t forget to lean on your own self-care practice! Engage in activities that you enjoy and make time for rest and relaxation so you can continue to engage sustainably with helping your loved one. Remember: you cannot pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself allows you to be a better source of support for others!

This Process Can Save Lives

Checking in on your loved ones whenever it is needed–not just for Self-Harm Awareness Month–can be life-changing. Even if they don’t open up immediately, just knowing that someone genuinely cares can give someone much-needed comfort and hope. Know that self-harm can be a complex challenge, but recovery is possible with the right support and resources. If you or someone you know is struggling, also consider reaching out to various crisis support resources as needed:

Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 (free, 24/7 support)
National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call 988 (free, confidential, 24/7 support)
The Trevor Project (LGBTQ+ support): Call 1-866-488-7386 or text START to 678678

Remember: by reaching out compassion and encouraging professional help as needed, you can make a profound, life-saving difference in someone’s life. Let’s commit to supporting one another and lifting each other up – for this month and always moving forward!

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Calvin HuiMarch 17, 2025