Physical Wellness: Not Just “Diet and Exercise”
When most of us think about our physical wellness, the words “diet and exercise” come to mind. I’m here to challenge that thought today with a reframe to “nutrition and meaningful joyful movement”. When we think of “diet and exercise,” there are inherent values that sometimes (read: often or even most of the time) translate to shaming language – fat shaming, body negative language. Today’s reframe encompasses information from Intuitive Eating and Health at Every Size models as well as some additional components that often get overlooked or neglected when thinking about our physical wellness.
When I was 13, I played Ultimate Frisbee at sleepaway camp. I stepped in a hole, twisted my ankle, and ended up in the nurse’s office (and eventually the hospital). The radiologist at the hospital said I chipped a bone in my ankle, but due to some weird privacy rules situation, my mom wasn’t able to retrieve those images from the hospital and had to have the x-rays repeated when I came home at the end of the week. No chip! Back to normal life. My ankle bothered me a lot over the next year, but I wasn’t what I considered an “athlete” and would just walk the mile in gym class, so I wasn’t too worried. Fast forward to the following summer - I was starting high school marching band camp and WE. WERE. ACTIVE! We ran laps to warm up. We ran laps as punishment for talking too much. We ran laps to improve our lung capacity. There was no walking the mile here! Our band was competitive (we won regionals that year!) and so I pushed past the pain – although during one practice, I asked our band instructor to drive me home to get my ankle brace. I was embarrassed to ask - I thought that he probably thought I was being dramatic.
Fast forward one more year. I’m now 15, my ankle STILL hurts. My mom takes me to an orthopedist – that sneaky chip in my bone had progressed to what the radiologist described as a “crater.” I needed surgery. Unfortunately, my surgery was scheduled for September 17th. I would have to miss some of the most crucial weeks of band practice and most of the season. I had to drop out of marching band. My surgeon advised that impact sports/activities were not for me – I also had a slipped tendon and a similar defect in my other ankle. This restriction included running, which at the time was fine by me because I actually hate running. It hurt my joints, I couldn’t breathe. In fourth grade, I was told the breathing issue was because I had “a special type of asthma called “OOS” - Out Of Shape.” So obviously the cure was to get in shape, right?
I made a list of 30 things to do before I turned 30 sometime in my 29th year. On this list included really awesome things like Go To Europe (Check!) and Buy A House (Not Quite!). Also on the list was “Run A Ten Minute Mile.” Wait, but my surgeon specifically told me not to run, right? And then when I was 28, I finally got diagnosed with asthma. I could throw out the OOS diagnosis. Yeah. Okay. Didn’t matter. Runners were the epitome of “In Shape.” It was off to the races. I did eventually hit the ten minute mile – once, and never again. I continued to run because “running is good for you.” I continued for four years.
Because in addition to my obsession with running as the epitome of “fitness,” I was also deeply, deeply ingrained in diet culture. From the age of 13, I was attending Weight Watchers meetings, counting calories, and weighing myself more often than I care to think about (daily). I tried Weight Watchers, South Beach Diet, Keto, the Max Challenge, straight calorie counting, countless protein shakes, grapefruit juice mixed with apple cider vinegar (by far the most disgusting of my attempts) – only to continue to “fail.” When I was in middle school, my (now ex)stepmother told me I was a “compulsive snacker,” so I learned to snack in secret. I wouldn’t log those “cheats” on my lists – and my weight continued to feel “out of control.”
In my mid twenties, I got diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder. I tried a bunch of medications. The third and fourth medications made me feel so much better – but they also made me gain weight. I switched from medication to medication to medication hoping for a different result. Eventually, I decided I’d “rather be sick than fat” and quit them all. I saw a nutritionist at my OBGYN’s office. I told her, “I can’t understand why I’m gaining weight.” She tapped on my BMI on her paperwork and suggested weight loss surgery. I complained to my gastroenterologist about the weight gain. He suggested I “just eat less.” Neither of them ever asked what I was actually eating – they just assumed I was the problem. I assumed that, too.
A few years later, I got engaged. This should have been the happiest time of my life, right? Wrong. All I could think about was my weight. I went to the Kleinfeld sample sale on the last day of the sale with my two sisters, two best friends, my mom, and my new stepmom (not the one who fat shamed me). There were racks and racks and racks for brides in thin bodies – and one rack of (mostly despicably ugly) dresses for brides in bigger bodies. I was able to try on four dresses that didn’t look straight out of the Victorian era. One of them made everyone else happy, so I picked it because I couldn’t stand to have this experience on a second day. I spent twice my budget and hated the dress. Then, I was on the “Bride Diet.” My future mother in law would make me a salad for Sunday dinner while she served everyone else pasta and bread. I started running again. I ran every day. I ran until it hurt. I carried an inhaler in my sports bra so I could push past my “weak lungs.” I used that inhaler more than the recommended amount of times per day, but it was fine because I had to look good in that stupid expensive dress, right?
Then one morning, I woke up and my left ankle was the size of a tennis ball. I couldn’t walk. My foot was so swollen I couldn’t fit it in a shoe. The next day, the right ankle swelled up too. I went back to see my surgeon. Turns out, I needed surgery. On BOTH ankles. He had warned me not to run over fifteen years ago, but here I was, with two torn tendons in the pursuit of the thin ideal. I ended the engagement. The breakup was the beginning of an enlightenment period for me. I realized I never wanted to be with someone who would base my value on my body. I realized that being thin would never be worth the cost to my joints or my mental health. Around the same time, I also began seeking training in treating eating disorders. I found so many of my clients coming to me to deal with trauma had underlying (or right up front) eating disorders – so I started going to trainings. I had to examine a lot of my values about food, bodies, and weight stigma. I learned a lot. I learned about the concepts of intuitive eating and meaningful movement. It challenged all of the diet culture I’d been buying into for my entire life, and I realized I was going to need to make some changes.
I rediscovered my love of yoga – I have loved yoga since I was 20 years old, but had stopped practicing because I moved in with that crappy ex and he criticized how many steps I got per day – You don’t get any steps with yoga, and the “GOLD STANDARD” is to get 10,000 steps!!! I started practicing at home. I took a couple of classes in person. I signed up for a yoga teacher training. I also found a love of barre during COVID. I love the instructor’s focus on joy in movement just as much as I love the dance itself. I quit the gym and bought a heavy bag and an upright bike – the two reasons I’d kept my gym membership in the first place. I stopped following a rigid “exercise” structure and started signing up for classes the morning (or afternoon) of (versus going on Mondays Wednesdays and Fridays or some other rigid schedule) and listening to what my body needs on a particular day. Some days it’s a high energy day, and other days it’s a gentle, restorative yoga day. Treating my body with loving kindness is not always easy – I’ve been breathing diet culture in for my entire life. But I began practicing gratitude for what my body can and will continue to do. I don’t do any kind of “exercise” for weight loss anymore. I move my body in ways that feel joyful – I love to dance, and so sometimes I log onto YouTube and find choreographed dance videos to jam out to. I sing along, too – loudly. Sorry, neighbors!
I started working on intuitive eating. We are so trained to ignore our body cues – our interoception. I grew up in the “Clean Plate Club.” There were starving children in the world, so we had to finish our plates whether we wanted to or not. I caught myself falling into this pattern in the middle of a training called “Mothers, Daughters, and Food.” We were on lunch and I was trying to force myself to finish a mason jar salad I’d made. It was a few days old (I meal prepped on Sunday and the training was on Wednesday) and the lettuce was a little soggy and I’d eaten the same salad three days in a row. I heard my mom’s voice say “clean plate club!” and had an AHA! moment. I got up, tossed the salad, and went across the street to Chipotle. I got a meal that hit all my nutritional needs (and my hunger cues) instead of a salad that met the requirements of some arbitrary diet. I didn’t finish it - I threw it out when I was full. It’s a work in progress - like everything else in life!
So, let’s talk about all the ways that we ignore physical wellness in the pursuit of “Diet and Exercise.” All diets ignore your body’s natural cues for hunger, fullness, and preferences. Fat is not a bad word, and while the medical community is still very wrapped up in fat shaming and the pursuit of the thin ideal, the number on the scale does not represent your wellness. Your BMI is an arbitrary number that ignores many factors - including gender, race, muscle mass, and bone density. If your health concerns are getting ignored or you’re getting told to “just lose weight” to fix your problems, it’s time to find a provider with a Health at Every Size (HAES) approach. What does your bloodwork say? When was your last bloodwork? Are you going for your annual appointments? Many people in larger bodies avoid medical treatment because of body shaming providers. What does “healthy” really mean to you? Because for many people, skinny has been the opposite of healthy. It can mean an untreated illness or an eating disorder. It can mean a lifetime of restriction and shame. Our bodies naturally course correct - which is why 80-90% of dieters regain the weight - and then some. You don’t need to “compensate” for food with exercise - your body deserves to eat regardless of what else you do today. This is particularly helpful to remember during the holidays when we are surrounded with messages to “work off those Thanksgiving dinners!” You can refer to the Minnesota Starvation Experiment (below) for more on the impact of intentional calorie restriction! We over schedule ourselves at the expense of our sleep schedules - Adults need 7-9 hours per night, but many of us are clocking under six! Sleep deprivation has serious impacts on our physical and mental health. Having a regular bedtime and wake time is incredibly beneficial for our whole body!
The bottom line is, your body knows what it needs. HALT. Are you hungry? Are you angry? Are you lonely? Are you tired? Feed your body’s needs. The rest will come! Below you can find the links to the Minnesota Starvation Experiment as well as the Intuitive Eating and Health at Every Size books. These are not sponsored links - they’re just helpful!
https://www.apa.org/monitor/2013/10/hunger
https://www.amazon.com/Health-At-Every-Size-Surprising/dp/1935618253
https://www.amazon.com/Intuitive-Eating-4th-Anti-Diet-Revolutionary/dp/1250255198/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2FIU81JLTX4C6&keywords=intuitive+eating&qid=1638279486&qsid=132-6956011-3489053&s=books&sprefix=intuitiv%2Cstripbooks%2C172&sr=1-1&sres=1250255198%2C1626256225%2C1250004047%2C1797203983%2C1684037085%2C1684031443%2C1684038286%2C1612439330%2C1509893911%2C1647398525%2CB009LB5MFM%2C0312321236%2C1954605099%2C0578460041%2C1409184412%2C1090899424&srpt=ABIS_BOOK