The Holidays: A Time for Boundaries

Holidays: A Time for Boundaries

The holidays can be a time for many things – food, celebrations, travel, gifts … arguments, frustration, feeling crappy, triggers.  Many people feel that they are “stuck” going to family gatherings – they “have no choice,” they “have to,” etc.  For others, they may want to attend, but dread seeing certain family members/being asked certain questions.  This blog post serves as a friendly reminder that it is okay to say no.

It is okay to say no to:

·      Taking more time off of work than you are comfortable with.

·      Hosting.

·      Alcohol/Drugs.

·      Going places that make you uncomfortable.

·      Traveling.

·      Spending beyond your means.

·      Seeing people who disrespect you/make you uncomfortable.

·      Discussing politics.

·      Discussing your gender/sexuality.

·      Discussing fertility.

·      Discussing dating.

·      Discussing your finances.

·      Comments about your body.

·      Comments about your food choices.

·      Anything.  Anything at all that makes you feel uncomfortable or out of place.

If you are planning to see family for the holidays, boundaries are important.  Nedra Glover Tawwab (NYT Bestselling Author) posts tons of helpful and informative content on boundary setting on her Instagram account (@nedratawwab).  She also has a best selling book “Set Boundaries, Find Peace.”  It’s important to be clear when setting boundaries - don’t assume that people will “get the hint,” read your mind, or be able to tell that they are making you uncomfortable. Learn to say “It’s not okay to _____ and I need you to ____ instead.”

It is helpful to think about your boundaries ahead of time.  What are you willing to talk about?  Does that change depending on who you are talking to?  What will leave you feeling fulfilled this holiday season?  Is it important to have your own mode of transportation so that you can leave when you want to leave?

If you are choosing to distance yourself from family, or cannot see your family this year, how can you make the holidays joyous?  Is there a favorite meal you can make or order?  Can you put on your favorite movie(s) and listen to your favorite artists?  Can you pick up a shift at work for overtime or find somewhere to volunteer (if it won’t leave you feeling burned out)? Do you have a chosen family that you’d prefer to spend the holidays with?

Holiday seasons can also highlight or resurrect issues with food and body image. How can you manage your relationship with food this holiday season?  Remember, you don’t need to compensate for or justify your food choices – just listen to your body’s cues!  Tune in to when you are feeling hungry, what foods will bring you joy, and when you feel full.  Tune in to your body’s need for movement – is your movement joyous and life enhancing?  Or does it feel compensatory, compulsive, or punishing?  If you’ve answered yes to any of the last three, it may be time to speak with a therapist or dietician regarding your relationship with food and exercise.  It will also be helpful to tune into the next wellness series post on Physical Wellness.  

What does your self care look like this holiday season?