The Power of Positive (and Negative) Affirmations
We’ve all heard the sayings – “Speak it into existence.” “The power of positive thinking.” “Put it out to the universe!” For many of us, we say them in jest or half-heartedly. How hokey is it to think you can change your feelings just by being positive! Right? Can’t be that easy.
Well, except – ever thought about how real those negative thoughts feel? You miss a turn and tell yourself you’re an idiot. You don’t get asked on that second date and you tell yourself you’re a loser. You don’t get a call back from a job interview and tell yourself you’re a deadbeat. Those sure do feel real, don’t they? So … why don’t we apply that same logic to positive thinking?
I often speak with my clients about self-fulfilling prophecies. We tell ourselves stories about events and people in our lives – sometimes those stories are positive, sometimes neutral, sometimes negative. But those stories MATTER. My senior year of high school, I was placed into Honors Calculus. Two weeks in, we had our first quiz, and the material was hard. I got an A, but as I looked at the graded quiz in my hand that mid-September day, I told myself “There is no way I can pass this class. This was all review. I’m going to get Senioritis in like two days and I’m going to get a bad grade, tank my GPA, and not get into college.”
We’ll pause the story here. I told myself a story about how the rest of the year (and the subsequent year) was going to play out – based on? The facts were, I was placed by my previous year teacher into Honors Calculus, and I got an A on my first quiz. My perception was that I hate math. The stories (or verbalizations) that I told myself were that I’m not good at math and that I was going to get Senioritis, fail, and mess up my future (YES, I was a dramatic child. NO, I am definitely not dramatic anymore [mostly] – we’ll talk more about facts, perceptions, and verbalizations in a future blog). So what happened? Here comes the story of how this enlightened future therapist used positive affirmations to overcome her doubts, right?
I raised my hand, asked to go to guidance, and dropped Honors Calculus in favor of an underclassmen vocal development class. I never did pass Honors Calculus – but I also didn’t try. I decided that I wasn’t going to do well, and so I created a scenario in which I didn’t take Honors Calculus. Another way that could have played out had I stayed in the class would have been deciding I wasn’t getting an A anyway and not studying, then not getting the A (thus fulfilling my own prophecy). We tend to put in the effort we think is worth it – so if I thought I wasn’t passing anyway, I probably wasn’t going to put in a ton of effort to a “lost cause.”
But … What if I decided I was going to nail it? Fast forward a few years to college. Because I didn’t take Honors Calculus, I had to take a placement test when I transferred to Rutgers my Sophomore year. I hadn’t taken math in two full years at this point, so I placed into the pre-calculus class that takes place over two semesters (instead of the one semester version). Of course, I used this as validation that I suck at math and then also decided I didn’t want to spend two semesters in math because I hate it (still super true, by the way). I decided to take the class at community college over the summer because “when I bombed it” the credits would still transfer. I’m not sure what changed that summer, but I decided that I could ace any class I took over the summer if I was only taking one class. And guess what? I got an A in that six week precalculus course that I was “too bad at math” to take.
So the long winded moral of my story is, you create the climate you’re working towards your goals in. Believe in the power of your thoughts and visualizations – can you picture yourself achieving your goals? If you’re in med school, can you buy yourself a little plaque that says “Your Name Here, MD” and put it in your study space? If you want to open your own car shop, can you draw out your logo for “Your Name Here Mechanics” and hang it on your fridge for inspiration?
Even simpler, can you start a daily affirmation practice? Eventually, by repeating these small statements (I am enough. I am successful. I can achieve my dreams. Fill in the blank.), they become more real. They become attainable. They become REAL. Believe in the power of your dreams. If you’re struggling to identify affirmations that speak to you, you might try thinking of one thing each day that made you happy or proud – what does that say about you as a person? Maybe you smiled at a butterfly – I am inspired by nature. Maybe you helped someone load their groceries into their car – I am considerate. Maybe you spent the day in sweatpants watching 90 Day Fiancé – I am gentle with myself. If you need more inspiration, you can purchase an affirmation deck and pick a card each day from your deck.
What affirmations do you want to add to your daily practice? What negative self talk do you want to replace with something neutral or positive?
“Whatever you hold in your mind on a consistent basis is exactly what you will experience in your life.” – Tony Robbins